RELATIONSHIPS
I know this a pretty broad topic but I felt called to investigate it so here goes nothing. Now this theory isn’t quite fleshed out but I like to think about relationships from a chemical stand point. We ourselves as individuals are neutral until we start to interact with others which carry either a positive or negative charge. You could be perfectly peaceful in your own solitude until someone calls you about the job promotion they earned an all of a sudden you’re riding this high of excitement what wasn’t present a moment ago, or the opposite could be true. You could be meditating by the river on a beautiful summer afternoon until that same friend calls you and says she got fired from the job that recently promoted her. Your mood, (especially as a highly sensitive person)
is influenced by the people (or charges) you carry around. Now I think it’s safe to say our relationships for better or worse will effect us because we don’t exist in a vacuum. So with that in mind it would be wise to only interact with people who typically carry a positive charge. We all have our bad days, our baggage that we carry, but you want to be in a relationship (wether it’s friendship or something more) where the goods outweigh or offset the bads. So how do we know when we are in a win-win situation? Where we are in an almost perpetual synergy made of magic dust and rainbows? Well over the Christmas weekend I sort of asked my parents the same thing (who’ve been married longer than I’ve been alive) how do they do it? Like at what point does the responsibility of a relationship start to become a burden? My father eloquently put that when you loose track of the “why” or the motivational purpose behind your actions, it most likely is a burden. And I guess I never thought about it like that but it is true! At the end of the day unless it’s a parent-child dynamic, our relationships are conditional. In other words they are a game, they come with aspirations (desires) and limitations (boundaries). Both of which in my humble opinion are necessary components of a long lasting relationship. Without them the “why” starts to dwindle and the dynamic starts to fizzle out. You can also look at relationships from a business perspective (which use to give me the ick lol), when a customer and business owner make a deal, or relationship, it’s common knowledge that both sides are looking for a return on their investment, once the stipulations are in place it would be unethical of the business owner and customer to not provide exactly what was promised. Now friendship and romance shouldn’t be strictly contractual in my opinion, if I was on a date with someone and after they pulled out a clipboard, paper, and pen for me to sign I would see that as ridiculous and slightly concerning lol. But I also do think it’s healthy and moral to have everything out on the table before moving forward in order to avoid toxic conduct like covert contracts, omissions of relevant interpretations, manipulation, etc…Relationships are an amazing way to understand oneself, but things can turn awry if you choose the wrong people. Ideally the best ones are mirrors that clearly see you and offer kind suggestions lol, and the worst ones are movies that exaggerate literally everything about you. The person who whispers in your ear that your breath stinks so no one else can notice, the person who knows you’re vegan and sees you about to give onto social pressure and stops you from ordering that meat lovers pizza, the person who feels your suffering over loosing a loved one says exactly what needs to be said in order to assist your grieving process (we support and advocate for this). The person who calls you EVIL for setting up a boundary, the person who labels you as SENSITIVE after expressing anger over being disrespected, the person who tries to say you DON’T KNOW what your talking about when you clearly do! We don’t support and advocate for this. So look for mirrors, look for win-win situations, clearly understand your worth, desires, and boundaries. Inevitably you will be able to navigate the world of relationships impeccably, you will be able to avoid turning your social life into a sitcom. I hope you found this to be educational and entertaining, stay warm and remember to
Keep your I Open.
For those who would like to explore their own behavioral patterns when it comes to relationships this a great channel to consume, this woman has helped me untie a lot of knots within myself, so enjoy!
